the problem with canucksville

i type "poker" into image search and this is the first thing that comes up. no doubt this chick has no fucking clue what poker is.



last night we went to canada to hit up casino windsor. i've only played at a casino once; i went frosh year to soaring eagle and won about $150 in blackjack, so i've had only good experiences. the next step was to play poker at a real table and see how i'd fare with "high rollers" - meaning more than just a paltry $5-$10 buy-ins. we played at the $1-$2 blind no limit tables with a maximum buy-in of $100, so these guys were far from real high rollers (but they were regular players enough to throw $100 bills in canadian on the table whenever they went broke), but i've wanted to play against serious competition, people with full-time jobs and real money to bet with. i brought $200 with me but only started off with $60 in chips. the guys at the table obviously knew i was new to playing at tables and thankfully they showed me how the tables work with breaking change, etc.


yeah i'm a rook, but that only works in your favor

the table i was at seemed like a prototypical one you'd see on tv: there was the one talkative guy with the hood on, a couple of semi-talkative guys, one quiet old dude who played old school (all throughout the night he put down $90 bets at a 1-2 table), one middle aged woman, a couple of other regular guys, and then me, who was basically bodog's "the underdog", a rookie newcomer. it seemed like everyone at the table knew everyone else. it wasn't just the fact that they had been playing the entire day, which i could pick up based on their conversations, but it seemed like they were all regulars to the poker room. everyone knew everyone else, the dealers, the waitresses, even the security staff.

these guys used the terminology that you learn from watching hours of WPT and those other derivative rip-off shows like that shit on the travel channel. "nut flush, gutshot, playing in and out of position, buying the button, chopping, limping in." i know what some of these mean but for others i don't fully understand the concepts. but i know how to play the game, and when to do what, and in my view knowing terminology doesn't mean shit, it just means you can have a gay conversation with your neighbor about what you did to sound smart. it might give you a slight edge in strategy, but ultimately it's about having common sense.

in rounders, matt damon explains the way a real shark is supposed to play: you sit back, and wait. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and wait more until you get the monster hand. this is basically my style, because (i hope i'm not giving away my strategy, but it's basically common sense) i hate to bluff with big money and have absolutely nothing when the cards turn over. in about 2 1/2 hours i only played about 15 or so hands and won maybe four or five. for those poker players, i'll list my winnings for your technical pleasure. i was VERY lucky early in the game when the guy i was all in against flopped trip 7s vs. my pocket kings and i pulled a king on the river. in retrospect i really should've tipped the dealer, but i was both too shocked by my luck and also was too new to tables to remember that you're supposed to tip them, especially when you pull lucky shit like that. i got pocket kings again in the night and pushed everyone out of the pot by betting, and i won another big all-in hand with queen ten suited in hearts (with a pair of queens, then rivered a flush but i already had won anyway) when a guy tried to bluff his way out with ace king and nothing on the board. other than that i don't remember winning, just sitting back and waiting for draws that never came.

at one point i was up $49 and i just wanted to round out to $50, but i kept playing until i was up only $30. at that point i had already been playing for awhile and both my body and mind were getting pretty fatigued, so i decided to walk away with my cash.

now, $30 sounds like a decent takeaway from a poker table, especially if it's your first time. the problem is though, that you're in canada. i remember many times in past years (though never anymore) billboards in downtown detroit would say "come to casino windsor, where your money is worth more." well, yeah, but when you're returning your money to the cashier to convert it back to USD, your money is worth LESS. i knew this coming into the casino but i still was honestly disappointed when i gave them the $90 canadian i had and only had a return of $77.50 USD. according to XE.com, a currency conversion site, the current rate is 1 USD to 1.16 canadian. you get shortshafted bigtime. not to mention i gave $5 to mirasol for gas and $10 to zeke for dimsum earlier that day, so i was left with an insubstantial amount of $2.50 for my efforts, which i spent on taco bell on the way back.

in the end, i guess it's ok because i came out on top and got a couple of free meals out of it, so i'm not discontent. but it sucks to have the inevitable disappointment hit you when you know the money you have is going to be worth less. i might hit up the casino again in the near future, and the next time i visit my cousins in vegas i'm definitely hitting those tables up, so let me know if you wanna head up.


guys like this used to be starving artists until the 2003-4 texas hold-em poker revolution, also known as the "cockhead fakeass poker shark wannabe revolution"