damn jappy

"ahahahahahahahahahhahaha. its like she's fucking five!"

working at a cafeteria exposes you to the worst of mankind's disastrous effects: incredible slopiness, ridiculous laziness, an extreme amount of stupidity and lack of commonsensicalness, heavy amounts of fobness, and especially at stockwell cafeteria, a radioactively dangerous exposure to J.A.P.s. no doubt you've heard this term before, which is acronymized for "Jewish American Princess(es)". They are largely known to be from tri-state new yohk/new joisey/long island and their epicenter in michigan just happens to be in my hometown of farmington hills (accompanied by adjacent west bloomfield) and my alma mater high school north farmington. i've grown up around these girls since sixth grade, and it's incredible to see that their numbers have only increased in my transition to college. in my english 305 "intro to modern linguistics" class, we were given an assignment to list down UM slang and brent presented "J.A.P" to the class, roughly defined as (with my extras definitions thrown in):

n. Acronym for "Jewish American Princess". Known to wear sunglasses regardless of the level of brightness, wear Uggs (aka FUGGS) boots, anything North Face, uses a pink motorola RAZR, constantly calls daddy for money for insignificant things, says "like" countless and innumerable times in common speech, has an entourage of only other sorority sisters, fellow JAPs, and male members of similar stature/likeness/countenance and of frattastic nature, drives a beemer, mercedes, or gas-guzzling, environment killing SUV such as the hummer h3, chooses to be vegetarian for all the wrong reasons (because they feel bad for the cute, cuddly animals after they buy coats made fresh off the backs of innocent baby foxes) and doesn't know what a vegetarian really is, most likely bullemic

can also be used in adjectival and adverbial form, e.g. "That's such a jappy outfit!"

----> more descriptions from UrbanDictionary.com:
- Receives joy from making unpopular students feel like shit.
- Owns an iPod (a CD player or different MP3 player is unacceptable)
- Has a MySpace, where she posts ridiculous pictures of her trying to look attractive by puckering her lips and opening her eyes as wide as possible.
- Is addicted to gossiping.
- Wears so much eye-shadow you'd think she's a whore (and most are)
- Refers to everything they like as "cute".
-Laughs at everything (with an ear-piercing cackle that can kill thousands of squirrels).
-Can be hot, but they are WAY too annoying either way.

When the class was asked if they knew what this term meant, all 30such heads simultaneously and instantaneously nodded in approval.

------


anyways, at the Stock today one JAP said to another,
"guess wot, i like found like three staples in my sock tahday."
"o, rly?" (of course, with an extremely upward inflection)
"ya, and they've been like in my shoe like all day!"
"what kind of staples were they?"

what kind of staples? swingline standard regular point full-strip staples, 1/4", model no. s.f.-1 of course! what the fuck kind of staples do you think? who the hell asks something like that? when i heard this my emotions simultaneously resembled a volcano of laughter and an earthquake of violent anger. so i walked away before anything happened.

my question is, how in God's green, blue, and brown fucking earth did this girl get staples in her SOCK? obviously she must've managed to let a stapler slip in with her laundry. even more of a question is why she kept them in her shoe all day and didn't think about taking them out... but i've been living with these people for most of my formative life, so such things no longer surprise me.



"i need a drink."