testy to the last drop

My patience is nearly drained. Luckily for EA Sports, I'm a pretty damn patient guy. NFL Head Coach was slated to come out today. Unfortunately, I have a paper due tomorrow (technically today) by 5 P.M. I'm essentially done; all I have to do is add a works cited page and voila. I decided to take a break from writing my paper by buying NFL Head Coach, which you should know by now I've already reserved. With my car on the extreme verge of losing gas, I drove the two miles to Gamestop to pick up my long-awaited prize. I walked in, said hi to the manager who probably knows me by now because I'm there so much, and went to look at the headsets. A pretty sweet feature of Head Coach is that you can actually call out the plays through the headset like a real sideline (or if you prefer to be, press box) coach. Since I'm unemployed for the summer and (again) damn near broke, I chose to take the used headset. Also because this particular used one was the only one with a connector port that is required for the headset to plug into the controller. None of the other headsets had them, not even the officially licensed headsets, only off brand ones that were $30. Fuck Microsoft and their monopolistic asses. Bill Gates may be becoming a charity-puss in the coming years, but it's at my and every other video game loving human being's goddamn expense. I only have $61.58 left in my bank account and $15 in cash (the rest is stored away for my crotch rocket) and with the game being $40, I think I would rather take the headset that's half price, albeit used.

In any case, I grabbed the used headset and went up to the register only to find out that Head Coach was delayed by a day. Sometimes Gamestop will only release games on the release date to people who pre-ordered it and I did, but it turns out that EA, being the monopolistic shits they are, pushed the game's release date by ONE FRICKING DAY. The game better be completely bug free when it comes out. So I drove back the two miles to my apartment with my meter now in the red (I'm going to have to spend some cash gassing up to go home this weekend). I finished my paper, and during my "not-working-on-paper-procrastinating-time" which takes up at least 75% of my writing time, I found out that EA released a demo of NFL Head Coach on the 15th. Eager to play it, even though it's only a demo, I began downloading it. I figured by the time I was done writing, the demo, being a typical whopping download, would be done.

Unfortunately, because I was also downloading Dangerdoom's free EP "Occult Hymn" and the promotional EP "Chocolate Swim" (both of which can be downloaded for free on AdultSwim.com), my computer, as Windows typically does, overloaded. It froze and the Head Coach demo d/l stuck at 20%. I had to restart my computer, and after waiting about 15 minutes for my computer to restart (after restarting it twice because I thought it wouldn't load at all and that my paper was gone), I couldn't resume the download once the connection was interrupted. So I started the download again. Long story less long, it took me a few tries because whatwith my apartment's shittyass randomcrashing superunreliablealwayswavering internet, the download kept getting interrupted. FINALLY the download finished, The only problem was that I couldn't OPEN THE FUCKING FILE. The WinRar format or whatever wasn't working, so I had to search for, download, and install WinZip first. Running into another spiky wall, it turned out that I had absentmindedly deleted the entire downloaded file because I was mad it hadn't worked (this was before I realized I could use WinZip). So I had to download the entire game again (which took about 1 1/2 hours the first time), and again, it took me a few tries just to get the d/l going. The d/l finally finished again, just as I was coming to the conclusion of my paper. I quickly bullshitted the concluding paragraphs (because I could honestly care less about a prerequisite poetry class) and fired up the install. It took me another few tries to get it installed because the files unzipped to a random place. I like to think I'm competent and above average in use of computers, but there are still some things about them that shout idiocy. I still prefer PCs though, if for any reason to spite those Applehumpers (you know you know at least one).

So I get the game installed, do a check-through of my paper one last time and try to make it a serious revision, even though I'm talking to people online while I do so. I x-out the fricking word processor that has been occupying me all day and am finally relieved to get some coaching action. I open the window, go to the directory, and double click the shortcut. Only to have one of those fleafucking error windows pop up. And as usual with those tripshitted windows I can't even tell what the hell the error is because it says "dll.275xort file is missing. maybe reinstalling the program will work." Except the problem is I can't reinstall the file because I decided to "Open file as..." instead of "Save file as..." and for some goddamn reason Mozilla doesn't archive the downloads you make.

I'm stuck here and now, writing this instead of playing the game, thinking up other random swear words I can come up with and what other possible frustrations this game could give me. This game better be damn worth the money and better be a fricking breakthrough. And I had better get a fucking copy of it tomorrow when I drive to Gamestop on an empty tank of gas and charge it onto my debit card which will have a balance of about 38 cents when I walk out.

Fuck you, EA Sports, and most especially, fuck you, Murphy('s Law).