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The AZN Wolverine: High Times Part 2

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

High Times Part 2

The jungle is as dense as a syrupy goo.

"They were out of Fort Bragg," Arnold says. "What about the rest of Harper's men?"

The soldiers find men hanging upside down with no skin. The point man, a Native American tracker, is freaked out, which doesn't happen much with men of that character.

They think the rebels did it, and follow them through the jungle.

A soldier just got executed. Arnold's men are going into the rebel camp to kill them all.

I always though Carl Weathers was Billy Dee Williams, Lando Calrissian from Star Wars, but I guess they're different.

Huge gunfight. Arnold is invincible. He stands in the middle of open ground and manages to hit five guys simultaneously. Chuck Norris has a rival. Jesse Venture has a gatling gun. He said at the beginning of the movie, "You're all a bunch of cock-slapping faggots. This shit will turn you into a sexual tyrannosaur, like me." How the hell did this guy become a Governor??? He just said, after getting shot, "I ain't got time to bleed."

"It's all bullshit," Arnold just told Carl Weathers, "my men are not expendable."

A guy just squashed a live scorpion. Goddamn.

Now it's the Predator's perspective.

If Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwartzenegger (did I actually spell that right?) got into a room with a tablecloth, a bottle of fish food, and a coupon for McDonalds, who would win the fight?

Regardless, they're in for a "world of hurt" as Jesse Ventura says.

Keifer Sutherland has the coolest voice of all time. I've actually started talking a little like him probably because I'm sick. I catch myself sounding like him and I ask, "what the shit?"

I somehow hope I can reach the levels of Gonzoism, to write like Hunter S. Thompson in the style of New Journalism. Unfortunately, all I really write is free association, typing down the first things that come to my mind. It's still relatively early, but from now on every hour I stay awake will decrease from eight hours of sleep.

The prisoner they took, a chica, is on the run. A guy is catching her but his ass will die.

This is my favorite part of the movie, where they shoot for like five minutes when the guy sees the invisible part of the Predator. They shoot and shoot and shoot and seeing this like this will be something else altogether.

The scene is over. I'm overwhelmed, and out for now. Hopefully we'll get off our asses and do something, say play Mario Party.

"I saw it," he said. Jesse Ventura has a huge hole in his chest.

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