It Must Be The Shoes

The last time I played pick up at the CCRB I was sliding all over the floor. I still held my men scoreless in three games, but I was distraught at how crapped up my shoes had become. I don't think I've had em for even a year, but since I work out all the time it adds onto the wear and tear. Looking at the bottom sole, I saw all the tread was basically gone, and it was no shit why I'd been slipping and nearly travelling everytime I touched the ball. So I came home for Christmas break and decided I needed a new pair.

I still have a pair of the gorgeous red TMAC 3s, but I still refuse to use those for athletic wear, hating to see such things of beauty get torn up. I've rarely used them in fact, not wearing them more than 30 times over the course of three years, those occassions being Spring Breaks in Panama City Beach and Cancun, and summer vacation in Miami and the Keys. It's my "exotic-locale" shoewear, and when you take a look at the picture you can see why:


Make a statement with these babies

I went to the mall for the usual holiday shopping and realized how much of a circus it is. I'm going to write an article on that too before break is over. I never used to realize how many varsity jackets were worn, how many high school kids try to act hard, how clique-y the mall is, and most especially, how many little kids there are trying to dress and act in order to reach a maturity level they won't be accepted into for another five years. I guess that's because I was a part of it back then, but at least my varsity jacket had patches for football and track city and division championships, plus my "KTrain" stitching on the back, instead of just the letter and maybe a marching band and/or flag corp ones these kids show off boisterously as their source of pride.

Another thing that doesn't piss me off but more annoys me are these kids who walk into shoe stores and spout out an incredible amount of knowledge about shoes: the latest ones, who wears em, the trends, brands, pricing etc. And they don't buy any. You know those kids I'm talking about, they're always there. But I guess everyone has to aspire to a goal.

I always look for unconventional shoes, ones that'll stand out like Yao Ming in Texas. Lebron's shoes are horrificly ugly (though he doesn't probably give a shit since he's getting paid $100 million+) and the new TMAC 5s are nice, but have wood paneling in them that makes them resemble a dashboard rather than shoes. For a long time I wanted Michael Vick's shoes, but they looked a lot better in the Eastbay catalog than in real life, so scrap those.

Just plain fugly, Lebron

TMAC 5s are just meh with the wood

Vick's shoes are dynamic like he is, but not dynamic enough to get my money

I found a sweet pair of Nikes that went for $125 at Finish Line that had a vinyl-like covering, and was set to buy them and a few nice Michigan shirts, but it turned out they didn't have them in stock. Why, oh why would you have shoes shelved on display, especially ones as gorgeous as these, and NOT have them in stock? What a fucktard store, I'm not shopping there again. The problem is that when I get my mind set on something, nothing else will compare, so no other shoes in the store appealed to me, and neither did any others at Champs or Footlocker.

I was expecting to go home disappointed when my dad suggested going to Dick's, which used to be Galyans, the HUGE (with a 40-foot climbing wall) sports store adjacent to Twelve Oaks. Figuring that I might as well check it out since I was in the area, I went in. My first impression on the shoe section at Dick's was that there wasn't a huge selection, but goddamn do they have some nice shoes there. The first that caught my eye were the shoes I walked out with.

Reebok's new "The Pump" Pump 2.0 Preseason is the first "smart" shoe I've seen in public. I remember awhile ago there was a huge hoopla about Adidas' development of a "smart" shoe, that would constantly conform to your steps and movement, providing maximum comfort. I haven't seen anything of the sort on Adidas' end. The Pump 2.0 Preseason is roughly similar to Allan Iverson's new "Answer IX" shoe, the one he advertises in his new sweet commercial highlighting all his injuries and tattoos. It's the same technology, but the ones I got, the Preseasons, are a lot more stylish and look much nicer. However, I don't think the Preseasons are designed for actual athletic use, so I bought another pair of generic Nike Flight Furies to work out with. Still, the Preseasons are something in their own right; the technology is more than hype. When I first tried them on and switched the dial from Off to "Auto" I immediately felt the cushion surrounding my feet. Gone are the first painful hours of breaking your feet into your new kicks. Check em out:

The future of footwear, today

I am by no means a shoe aficionado, nor do I claim to know much on the subject, but I know these babies are special, cop a pair for yourself at Dick's or online for $99.99.

DO YOUR PART FOR THE ALAMO BOWL

I've already IMmed all the Wolverines on my AIM and attacked a majority of facebook's large groups.

Now, it's your turn.

As Mike Tirico said on national television, "This has been the most poorly officiated game I've ever seen."

Do your part: email the Sun Belt's Director of Football Officiating and let him know what we think about the Alamo Bowl:
donlucas@charter.net

I'm too upset to write about the game right now, I'll do that tomorrow.

This is a travesty that must be realized, and action must be taken.

Spread the word.

Much Too Much Of... (A Comprehensive List)

I've been wanting to post this for awhile, but I figure I'd let ideas come to my head because this list can continuously be added onto and will probably be reposted every so often. This is a comprehensive list of types of people there are too much of at the University of Michigan. Spread the word to your UofM buddies so we can keep the school poser free and keep our environment clean from fakeass POSs.

Types of people there are too much of at Michigan:

Stupid people
White people
Asian people
White people who think they're hard
Asian people who think they're hard
Black people who feel the need to become activists because they're black
Not-hot girls
Guys who think they're hard because they work out
Guys at the gym who wear tight clothes
*I would like to expound on this. Every time I go to the CCRB weight rooms, especially the free-weight rooms, I walk in to a multitude of males wearing wife-beaters and other various types of tight clothing, trying to show off their muscles. But to who? To other guys? Seeing a female is a disparity of a rarity, and seeing a good-looking female in there has less of a percent chance than Saddam Hussein escaping from prison alive. Most of these guys who like to show off their "guns" have "guns" that are mostly fat, not muscle, and I find these guys to be a joke because they're showing off exactly the opposite of what they intend. If you're gonna wear tightass clothes, have ripped arms like me or Brad or Dan Rohlman before you make that call. I don't wear tight clothes to the gym, one because I disapprove of this type of people, and two because you're supposed to wear loose clothes to the gym anyways. If you ask me, there's too much testosterone in the gym that equivocates to homosexuality. Buncha fucking fruitcakes.
Hardcore overachieving overly-ambitious cutthroats
People who cry when they get B's
People who get ultra-stressed out from school
Underachieving slackers (I am among them)
People who are content with C's
People who don't stress enough about school
Pre-med students
Indian Pre-med students
Engineers
Asian Engineers
FOBs
FOBs who think they're hard because they're FOBs
FOBs who smoke cigarettes in an attempt to Americanize themselves (I haven't seen one who doesn't)
People who think they're hard because they drink a lot
People who think they're hard because they go wasted to work and school.
*Honestly, you people aren't cool. You're just retarted. Whenever someone tells or IMs me "dude I got sooooooo wasted last night and went to class soooooooo hungover" I simply shake my head because I hold no revelry for them. The problem with college is that it's personified as a party atmosphere and many times all people look forward to is the weekend, the next party, the next keg, and the next blackout. It's frankly shocking how high people hold alcohol in regard, and it's one of the problems with America. Don't get me wrong, I'll crunk my ass off when the opportunity arises, but I don't brag about how wasted or drunk I got or how close I was to death. I'd join the army if I wanted to do that. I just find it ridiculous to see the amount of people whose sole purpose is to get trashed over the weekends
On the same token, stoners
Hippies
Hippie GSIs
People who think they're hard because they're smart
People who think they're hard because they're intellectual
People who think they're hard because they're rich
People who think they're hard because they're rich and don't have a job (see B'sC2F)
People who think they're hard because they're rich and take money for granted
People who think they're hard because they're pseudo-semi-athletic
People who think they're hard because they play a lot of pick up basketball
Frat boys
Frat boys who think they're hard - can this get any more blatant? They're termed "jagbags" by Alan Moy
Frat boys who think they're exclusive - well, they are, but certainly not in a good way
Frat boys who MoyBoy17: they need 3 greek letters to reinforce their confidence
Guys with frat boy mentality who aren't in one
*There are obviously exceptions, such as the bros I personally know in frats, but the rest fit these categories
Feminists
Feminists GSIs
GSIs who have no clue what the fuck is going on (I haven't had any but I've heard stories)
GSIs who are angry at their inadequacies and take it out on their students' grades
New Yorkers/Englanders/Long Islanders
New Yorkers/Englanders/Long Islanders who are stuck up and are strong willed in all the wrong ways
J.A.P.s (NOT the derogatory term for the Japanese)
Girls who wear Uggs
Style fags
People who ride bikes in the snow
Athletes that used to be good but no longer are (ahem Henne)
People who join a volunteer charity organization to meet girls or to put it on their resume, ignoring the principles and purpose of that group
People who think they're politically savvy when they don't know shit
People who affiliate themselves with a political party and don't know shit
People who don't know shit about politics
People who don't know shit about anything
Affirmative Action supporters
Girls with "morals"
Girls with nice bodies but gross faces
Girls with nice faces but gross bodies
Racists
Know-it-alls
People who are outspoken but don't know what they're talking about

Thanks to all who contributed, and when polling I found that "Jews" happened to be the most common answer, second "Asians", third, "New Yorkers", fourth, "foreign kids", and fifth, "girls who wear Uggs". More to come soon, if you've got anymore let me know.

That Doesn't Make Sense

Whenever I think about the Pistons drafting Darko Milicic I get angry. Not because we could've drafted Carmelo, who's overrated as shit, but because we could've drafted Dwayne Wade. We passed up a player who arguably is the most dynamic player in the league, and has certainly proven so with his #1 selling jersey. But then I realize the history of what happened after drafting Darko, featuring two trips to the Finals with another set in stone this year, so my rage is supressed.

If you've seen Dwayne Wade's last commercial for Converse/Nike, where it shows him falling to the floor and flashing back to all his videos at DePaul, sliding all over the court, you probably were wow-ed at Nike's continuous ability to make sweet commercials. After showing various clips of DWade falling down, then showing him thinking "Aight" and nodding his head in athletic, tough-guy perseverity, they show him getting up in each and every clip.

Then the caption flashes across the screen: "Fall down seven times. Get up eight."

When I first saw this I thought it was so cool, and the commercial is one of the best I've seen in recent memory. But when discussing this with Sohail I realized it made no logical sense.

Fall down seven times and get up eight? Think about it. Chronologically it sounds correct because of the ascending order of numbers. But when you fall down seven times you get up seven times. You don't get up an extra time. You can't get up if you don't get down, as quoted by some artist that I forget, I think Jagged Edge.

Great marketing, poor logic.

But then I just realized that Nike's (they own Converse so they take precedence) target audience isn't necessarily very smart, so that doesn't apply.


Hardcourt slipnslide

A Friendly Hate Mail

"Yeah it looked like some people forgot we played on Friday because of our game (against SA) on Sunday. Except for the TV stations"
- Flip Saunders on TV highlighting the Lakers/Heat as the only Christmas game

Yesterday, If you looked at the three major sports news websites, ESPN, Yahoo! Sports, and CBS Sportsline, you'd see this as their front page stories:

ESPN: "Jolly Good"

Notice the first two coaches and the first game on the marquee, even though it's not in chronological order.

CBS Sportsline: "A Christmas Story"


Yahoo! Sports: "NBA turns up the Heat (and Lakers) on Christmas"


No one in the media world gave a shit about the Pistons/Spurs game. The game that featured the past three NBA Champions and thus the past three NBA Finals MVPs, recent league MVPs, and recent Defensive Player of the Years. A game that featured the two most prolific defenses in the league, not to mention THE TOP TWO TEAMS in the league.

ABC's pregame, hosted by Ann Arbor native Mike Tirico, guest starred Chuck D, co-founder of Public Enemy, Josh Lucas, actor from Stealth and some upcoming bball movie, and Bob Ryan, sportswriter for the Boston Globe. Tirico brought up the question I've been wondering since the beginning of the NBA season: "Why isn't the Pistons/Spurs game the top billing for Christmas?"


Bob Ryan, an aged, raggedy, fatass who has desperate hopes to make TV someday though he's too old at this point, called the Pistons/Spurs game a "JV game". A junior varsity game. Upon hearing this, I shouted out loud with my parents in attendance that I'd kill him multiple times. Sincerely upset at someone disrespecting my squad, I hit the web and sent Ryan an email:

Date:	Sun, 25 Dec 2005 14:49:16 -0500 [12/25/2005 02:49:16 PM EST]
From:	kuy@umich.edu
To:	ryan@globe.com
Subject:	JV? A friendly hate mail
Headers:	Show All Headers

Mr. Ryan,

My name is Ken Uy and I'm a student at the University of Michigan studying Communications and English, hoping to become a sports journalist such as yourself someday. However, I am also a Detroit Pistons fan, and I would like to comment on the statements you said on national television during Christmas.

How dare you call the Pistons/Spurs matchup a JV game, not only displaying sheer indignity towards the two best teams in the NBA, but also having the boldness to incite outrage in the most dangerous and second most depressed city in America. I was born in but do not currently reside in Detroit, but I still wouldn't want to walk down those streets, lest alone having insulted the blue-collar work ethic that is the livelihood of this storied town. I know you and everyone else in your field knows the game contains the last three NBA Champs and thus the last three Finals MVPs, former league MVPs and former Defensive Player of the Years.

I understand you may not have meant what I think, that you may have just described how the media is overhyping the Lakers/Heat game with a puffery never seen before by man (even though the game will probably be a blowout anyways), but those lacking critical thinking and analysis skills will take your words as they are at face value.

Your comments, along with ABC and ESPN's ludicrous dramatization of the Lakers/Heat game, just goes to show the disrespect and ignorance the entire media has towards a team that's gone to the NBA Finals the past two years and is currently #1. Of course, we like it like that, as Chauncey Billups so eloquently said in the Finals last year, "If it ain't rough it ain't right."

Even so, I'd appreciate it if you gave us a good look or two. I will admit, I don't read the Boston Globe and I may have missed any positive comments you may have said about the Stones, so if I'm simply taking one instance from national TV and flipping it around I apologize. I know that because both the Spurs and the Pistons are defensive teams, people would prefer a red-hot shootout that the other game will most likely be, just like people would prefer to see the Colts and Chiefs play each other over the Bears and Ravens.

In any case, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and all the success to you (and the Detroit Pistons) in the future.

Regards,

Ken Uy
----------
The response:

Date:	Mon, 26 Dec 2005 13:34:32 -0500 [01:34:32 PM EST]
From:	Ryan@globe.com
To:	kuy@umich.edu
Subject:	Re: JV? A friendly hate mail
Headers:	Show All Headers

Duh. I was quite obviously mocking the idea of that being the JV game. That was the entire point we were all making, all three of us. Next time pay attedntion.

Bob Ryan
----------
Attedntion? Come on Bob, you're a professional sportsWRITER. Writer is synonymous with typer nowadays, and I find your clerical skills quite troubling. The 'd' key i nowhere close to the 'n' key, so I laughed out loud when I saw that. I was also disappointed by how short his response was, though I would imagine he'd want to get straight to the point since he probably had at least 100 emails just like mine, though not as well written as mine. And not only did I suggest the fact that he was mocking the idea, I stressed in my email that those who "lack the critical thinking and analysis skills", i.e. the lesser educated, i.e. most of Detroit, would take his words at face value, and would not understand he was simply mocking the idea. Get your shit straight Bob, you're slipping from senility.

In any case, the Stones blew out the #2 team in the league, and as Chauncey Billups said during the pregame lineups, we have "the best point guard in the league" (#1), "the best mid-range shooter in the league" (#32), "the most versatile player in the league" (#22), "the best junk talker and 4 spot in the league" (#36), and "the best defender in the league" (#3). We blew out the oh-so-high-and-mighty Spurs, who will most likely bitch about not having Manu Ginobili. Well ya know what? The Spurs may have not had Mr. Gumby, but the Stones were without Lindsey Hunter, who would've more than effectively shut and shot down Tony Parker. Most people, even Detroiters and so-called "hardcore" Pistons fans overlooked this.

I do wonder however, what sneakers the Spurs wear, because Tony Parker is fast as shit and I need a new pair. If anyone knows, let me know.

#5

Game over, bitches

The name Reggie Bush is synonymous with the words "success", "sensation", and "superman". Not only is he the Heisman Trophy winner this year, he manages to excel and be a standout on a USC squad chock full of future NFL Pro-Bowlers. It was kind of evident that he was going to be something special, when he ran for 800+ yards and scored 9 touchdowns in a pop warner football game. If you think he's sick in college (ie the triple juke he pulled against Oregon), you should see the moves he pulled off in high school. I find it hard to believe that this guy is only a year older than me, yet he can do shit that I could only imagine. And I was a pretty good football player on top of that.

Bush makes the game seem like a game of NCAA 2006, where it's impossible to stop people who juke with the stick. Recently ESPN aired a clip of him in high school, and even if you're not a sports fan you'll find this unbelievable. His moves are unreal as shit and when he runs it looks like he's on cruise control, even though the defenders are clearly running their fastest to try and catch him.

In the very last play of the clip, he breaks seven tackles in a row. Seven. There are 11 people on defense.


It's 619 all the time - Reggie Bush in high school



Hit the clutch, hit the gear, hit the gas, and I'm gone.

Dumb Fucking People

I planned for and could be studying for my Filipino exam tomorrow, but it's noon and I feel like eating lunch and writing. For lunch it's two packets of oatmeal (banana bread and maple&brown sugar combined), a cup of blueberry yogurt, and an orange. I've turned into a health freak but I'm loving it. For the writing it's a short commentary on how people with little to no street smarts, i.e. common sense, can get into a prestigious (it won't seem as much when I'm done) school like Michigan, due to their relative booksmarts, nepotism (more accurately, alumni relations), or money.

I was sitting in my Comm 102 lecture, waiting for it to begin. I heard a girl a couple of rows behind me, one of those stereotypical east coast New Englanders who are strong willed and outspoken in all the wrong ways and for none of the right reasons. The girl was jabbering away, bragging about this and that, when I heard her loudly proclaim that her high school class had graduated 55 students to Michigan. She compounded her own declaration as if it was new information to her, blaring (imagine the accent for added effect), "Wow, that's soooo many people!" I scoffed in my mind and a grin started to pull at the corners of my mouth. Yeah, 55 is a lot, but a far cry from the best. Since she wanted to brag so much, I'll do it here. My HS alma mater, North Farmington, typically sends at least twice that amount to Michigan every single year, with up to three times the amount getting in, but those others choose to go someplace like State for a different atmosphere. I don't know why anyone from the north would want to double major in wheat chewing and combine driving/cornhusking with a minor in cowmilking, but that's just me. Not to mention North Farmington is Michigan's top high school in the entire nation in terms of GPA outlook, a +.6 to their GPA. Now imagine all the high schools in the country. All of them. And North Farmington is the best. Suck that.

Actually, that was when I was back in school; after I graduated they got rid of school of choice and thus the smart people nowadays don't have an option to go to NF like I did, so things might very well have changed since then.

I pushed that shit out of my mind to focus and about halfway into the lecture Professor Kwak listed the top five advertising slogans to date. The fifth was, "Great taste, less filling" from gross Miller Lite, the fourth and third I forget, but the second, which I was surprised isn't the first, was "Just do it." Almost instantly, I heard that same voice, who ludicrously, matter-of-factly said (imagine it again and you'll really lol, lmao, and rofl), "Oh, that's Adidas' slogan!!!"

Luckily for her it wasn't very loud, and it only transferred to about three rows in either direction. I made one of those "what the flying fuck?" faces, and nearly broke out laughing in the ultracasual manner she said it in. But before anyone could react to the statement, the prof moved on to something else. Still, the thought stuck in my head and I told myself I had blog this. I don't see how anyone could NOT know "Just do it." A homeless kid in an Ecuadorian ghetto would know what that slogan stands for.

You'll notice though, that I haven't actually named the host company, because I want to know if YOU can associate it correctly. If you're having trouble remembering where "Just do it" comes from, you should just move to Canada and be done with it because YOU ARE NOT AMERICAN, nor are you a person of this planet.

This is not a knock on east coasters or New Englanders; in fact, some of the sharpest and most ambitious people I know are from that region. It's this one particular instance that makes me question why certain people are here, and if they chose to come here for a reason other than to add it to another list of things to brag about.

I have noticed though, that there surprisingly exists a good amount of stupid people on this campus. Most of the time it's people who have a good amount of book smarts (which is how they get in), but they lack any semblance of common sense. Other times it's swapped, with people knowing the best way to get by without actually knowing shit. My academic problems have spawned from pure laziness, not lack of academic ability, and that's most of the problems my friends have too. But if you sit down in a lecture and listen to all the conversations going on, you'll sometimes notice that some people are clueless and oblivious to what's going on. I'll admit, I don't keep up on my readings and such very well, but I still get the gist of what the deal is.

I mean, how hard can it be?

Despite that, I still catch myself at times wondering how some of these people get admitted.

umich.edu

Mind Eraser + High Thoughts

...is what they should call this shit, forget chronic. We had four bowls from Razz's sweetass water bong, which is the equivalent of eight normal bowls... among three of us. Suffice to say we were beyond gone. The concepts of time and space were merely theories, and Cloud Nine was a reality amongst the wildest dreams of imagination. Razz rented Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the newer one. I watched the whole movie, but I can honestly say I remember NONE of it. The only thing I remember is at the opening credits I said, "Wow there are actually some famous people in this," referring to Alan Rickman and John Malkovich. After that, the only thing I remember is that Alan Rickman was a robot and he kept talking like he was depressed. I don't remember the plot, the characters, the setting, etc. I don't remember the movie ending, or anything we did near afterwards.

Somehow it was only 10PM after we finished the movie, but whatever happened after that is also a blur. Mir was going really crazy because Razz kept poking him, and that's all I retained. Mir and I were talking about how this stuff makes us forget the chronological order of things; that we can remember what happened, but not when.

I let Mir and Razz get onto the computer and type in their current high thoughts:
-------------------------------------------
Mir's high thoughts:
White Castle. Robots humping washing machines. An eighth in one night. DDR. Boobs... with nipples. Dirty ice cream. Missing m keys. Ch ch ch chia.
-------------------------------------------
Razz's high thoughts:
Its funny when someone you consider a huge pot head (far superceeding myself) calls you a pot head. AND BALKS at the amount you smoked over the week. Weed comes kinda like a fine wine, and that glass you drink it from matters.
Today I realized how long I have really known these people (referring to me and Mir - Ken), 2 months (hardly) and it feels like I have grown up with the bastards.
The summer is going to be fine.
I remember Halloween, and thinking the wings I was wearing were real, and professional football is worthless.
-------------------------------------------
KTrain's high thoughts:
The summer indeed will be fine, like a nice, cool, smooth sip of cabernet sauvignon (red) after a medium-rarely cooked porterhouse 24 oz. You have no idea.

Razz just said, "I'm living in heaven now so I can go to hell later."

Carpe diem, bitches.

Changes Soon

I'm beginning to not like the URL and title of this page. No one really knows what it means so I'm most likely going to change it soon. The possible new URLs will either be "aznwolverine.blogspot.com", "maizenblueazn.blogspot.com", or maybe "ktrain.blogspot.com".

More to come, sit tight.

Catch A Fallen Star

You're telling me that the University of Michigan is facing Nebraska in the Alamo Bowl? It's painful to see how far the Wolverines have fallen off the map of college football. MasterCard promotes the matchup as, "Two of the nation's winningest programs to battle for the fifth time in their history…". Bah. Michigan leads the series 3-1-1, with the last win in 1986. Nebraska, despite their record, is a team that has been down since they were destroyed by Miami in the '01 championship game.

This series will be hyped up as the game that should've been played to determine the real national champion in '97, when Michigan and Nebraska split the title. But Nebraska isn't even close to Michigan's caliber. I guess I'm overlooking the fact that Michigan has really sucked it up this year. A 7-4 record was salvaged with five games that were determined in the last minute, primarily because Michigan's fourth quarter defense is the worst in the nation. A 7-4 record that would look good on most teams, but with our storied history, looks like shit in a Mexican prison.

There was a slight chance we could've gone to the Outback Bowl, to play a respectable team in Florida, but no, you people didn't do your part and vote for Michigan to go. You didn't know about the voting you say? Get the fuck out of here and go to no-bowl Michigan State, you should be ashamed of yourself. Now Iowa is going to play Florida. Fucking Iowa. A state with nothing in it but endless wheat fields.

In all honesty, I'm glad we actually made a decent bowl, but I am not at all happy at the matchup. Michigan is a hell of a lot better than the record entails, and hopefully if everyone can heal up during the next few weeks off, we will certainly show as much.

The Alamo Bowl is set for Wednesday, December 28, 2005, at 8PM on ESPN. Watch us combine the Cornhuskers.

On a lesser note, Division II #1 Grand Valley State is headed yet again to the DII National Championship after dismantling East Stroudsburg 55-20 (including a whopping 34 points in the first quarter alone), increasing their record to 12-0. They have beaten their opponents by a margin of 23 points a game, and move on to play Northwest Missouri State in the DII National Championship. This obviously means little to you, but I was recruited fairly much by these guys in high school, nearly went, and it's a nice boost to my ego. Ha.

Alamobowl.com
The Matchup
GVSU Rolls

The Longhorn Legend

If the Lions want some serious change, they should lose out, trade up their draft picks, and get Vince Young. Not only is he of legendary status in Texas just from high school football, he is considered a god in the state. I'm watching the Big 12 championship right now between CU and Texas, and the Longhorns just intercepted a pass. This is child's play. This team could very easily beat USC.

On the very next play, Vince Young threw a touchdown. He makes this game seem easier than NCAA 06. Vince Young is better than Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, and will be MUCH better than Michael Vick. Young will become the face of the NFL in 10 years. If you haven't played as him in NCAA, you had damn well better, even if you're not a football fan, because he makes the game seem like you're using cheats.

Bob Griese described Young as "seeming to glide rather than run," and that "he never seems to have a negative play." He jukes people out ten yards ahead and they can't do anything, because 1. they're frozen, and 2. he's so goddamn fast. But not only does he use his legs effectively, like Michael Vick did in all his Hokie years, but he's just as good a passer as Eli was in his Rebel days. This guy is the uber-player, the super-athlete. Young could play at probably any non-lineman position and still be named a concensus All-American.

College football has not seen a player of his caliber in a LONG time, and it just happens to be that this upcoming draft class will be one of the strongest and deepest in history. Bush, Leinart, Young, Vick, White, amongst an entire class of workhorse runningbacks, speedy receivers and stout defenders. Parity will rear its ugly head next NFL season, and change will happen.

If Vince Young comes to Detroit, if Matt Millen can shove off the media and not draft a defensive player, then all our problems will be solved.

Young just threw for another touchdown, and the score is now 35-3, halfway into the second quarter. It's his second touchdown when I've been writing this article. Also keep in mind that this is the conference championship, that the team they're playing is supposed to be GOOD. USC will obviously be the favorite to beat Texas, but I say you should NOT count out this Longhorn squad. It was a given at the beginning of the year that it would be SC/Texas, and they haven't disappointed. Yes, Reggie Bush will win the Heisman, for the sole fact that he can excel with such statistics when he's surrounded by other future NFL hall of famers, but Vince Young will make a serious impact in the NFL. Watching him against Michael Vick will be one of the most exciting happenings since Donovan/Vick.

Not to mention the NCAA national championship will be the best game in recent history, blowing away all of the Patriots' last-second Super Bowl wins combined. I'm so fucking hyped for it, you have no idea. USC's traditional I-Formation team against the new-age Texas spread offense. Holy shit. And I would like to close by pointing out that no, I am not gay.


But if I was, I'd want this guy.

The score at halftime: 42-3, Longhorns.

Also on today/tonight's football schedule: Tulsa/UCF, USC/UCLA, Army/Navy (series is tied at 49-49-7), UGA/LSU, West Virginia/USF, Louisville/UConn, Va Tech/FSU.

Vince Young in high school.

Bad Move

Let's get one thing straight: Steve Mariucci should NOT have been fired. Unfortunately, because he was a head coach, actions that are not his responsiblity tend to appear within his realm... at least for those simple-minded. The media knows that a lot of the Lions' faults didn't fall upon Mooch, but for the sake of sensationalism they badgered the organization to drop him. Under heavy pressure, the Lions decided to release him, but I still think that's clearly the wrong decision.

This was supposed to be the year. When we'd turn things around and get our asses up from the articifial turf. We had a killer offseason, drafting the hard-hitting Kenoy Kennedy and the all-pro tight end Marcus Pollard. We took the most hyped up receiver in the draft, rival-ing our aerial attack with the Colts. We drafted Shaun Cody, the defensive leader of #1 national champion USC. We made the right moves, but somehow things didn't turn out right.

Matt Millen receieved praise for his draft, which was actually pretty good, yet people are now busting him for not pulling through. You're all idiots if you switch your opinions; Millen is the GM, not the coach; all he does is pick the talent. You can't first say he had a good draft, then bash him for not doing his job when you contradictively just said he did a great one. So shut the fuck up.

There was one simple solution to making us a powerhouse team. Easy as shit. Might be considered cheating by some, but in the realm of professional sports, every advantage is a huge one. All we had to do to win the NFC North and get a playoff berth was to copy and run the Indianapolis Colts' offense. A single back, single tight end, three receiver set. We have the three receivers, we have the tight end, and we have the runningback. Any quarterback in that system would excel, just take a look at Jim Sorgi as a backup. Because he's in that system he looks efficient as hell, and he might be fortunate enough to get a bigger contract by some desperate team because of it. Joey and Garcia would both have seemed like all-stars. If you look at the Colts, their main scoring attack is running seam routes, splitting the safties and creating mismatches. Even then, the pass is so quick that the receiver will have more than ample time to blow by the safety or make a move. Compound that with Kevin Jones as a threat, as he's good enough to make the linebackers bite on the play action. I kept saying all summer that's what we should've done, but the Lions stuck with their base West Coast shit. We all know the results. That, if anything, is Mooch's fault, but the rest lies on the shoulders of others.

For one, the trainers. Every good football team should have two extra-curricular things: Olympic sprint coaches and tennis ball guns. Michigan State, despite the fact their team was never the same after losing to the Maizenblue, hired Olympic sprint coaches to teach them speed. Yes, it can be learned. We've seen how fast they can be, just take a look at Agim Shabaj, Kyle Brown and Javon Ringer, not to mention Stanton himself. Speed is the key in the NFL, not power, and not a combination of the two. The fastest usually wins, with the only exception being those who are a true team, a la Brady's crew. If the receivers worked on their speed, enough to cut a tenth off of their 40s, they'd blow past any CB, from Champ Bailey to Fred Smoot. The second thing: tennis ball guns. These are ESSENTIAL to any passing offense, and most especially to a West Coast, pass-heavy offense. Firing tennis balls at high velocities to receivers forces them to react and catch, simply out of survivalist instinct. The size of the ball doesn't make a difference, because the cone of the ball is about the same. Building this reaction will prevent those seemingly limitless dropped balls we've had. The bottom line is, the trainers and assistant coaches haven't prepared the players enough for the fundamentals, the basics. Instead they shoot endless jargon of formations and play calling into the minds of the players, focusing on the complex over the simple. You can't do this.

Next, the quarterback. I don't know how you fools are pouting that Dre Bly was wrong for saying Mooch's firing was Joey's fault. It CLEARLY was. THE PLAYERS' PERFORMANCE REFLECTS THE JOB SECURITY OF A HEAD COACH. The players' actions affect the coaches, duh. If a team sucks because of players' underperformances, it's pretty damn obvious a coach is going to come under fire. Joey Harrington doesn't have what it takes to be a star in this league, but people somehow keep hoping he'll do well consistently just because he always has great pre-seasons and shows some flash in two games. I don't know how peoples' expectations can be so high after a confounding game, but it just goes to show how on-and-off the bandwagon the Lions are.

If Joey Harrington can't get the balls to his receivers, how is that Mooch's fault? How about if the receivers don't catch the rare good balls Joey throws? Sure, you can run drills and such, but each and every player is limited by his own personal potential and talent. That's why logically, some players are better than others. In the end, it comes down to Joey making good throws and our highly-touted receivers making catches. But our players aren't doing it. It's not the head coach, but the players. I can't emphasize that enough.

Mooch calls the plays, and the players either do or don't execute them. But since all you fake fans out there like to pretend you know what you're talking about, you're all glad he's gone. Who's going to take over? Dick Jauron? A man who is a failure of an NFL head coach? Mike Martz? Not only does he want to stay with the Rams, but he's more of a walking heart attack liability than Larry Brown. The Lions should've kept Mooch until the end of the season, because honestly, what left is there to salvage? Five games where two (Cincy and Pitt) are guaranteed losses? Even if we hypothetically happen to win out, our record would stand at winning a meager 56% of our games. Our goal now should be to LOSE OUT, trade up, and draft Vince Young. I'm writing an article on that after this.

All you people who say Mooch should've been fired should be fired in the face with a sack of hot doorknobs. If the Lions happen to do well under this even more raggedy ass ragtag management, you can quote me wrong, but the chances of that are slim to none.

Olde English

My english teacher, along with being a self-proclaimed grading Nazi, is also a self-proclaimed feminist. This being the case, she had our class read the Declaration of Independence, along with its feminist counterpart, the Declaration of Sentiments. Reading through these, I realized that people back then spoke with extreme complexity. It may have been normal and/or fashionable at the time to speak so superfluously, but looking back at it now it seems overly indulgent and thesaurus-like. I consider myself a pretty damn good writer, but I found I had to look up a lot of the words from the texts. Most of the words looked farmiliar, but I still couldn't define them. Here's a list of the disorderly daedals that confused me and their definitions:

Evince: To show or demonstrate clearly; manifest.
But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably over the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism...
Abdicate: To relinquish formally a high office or responsibility.
HE has abdicatged Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War agains us.
Compleat: Of or characterized by a highly developed or wide-ranging skill or proficiency.
HE is, at this Time, transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the Works of Death, Desolation, and Tyranny...
Perfidy: Deliberate breach of faith; calculated violation of trust; treachery.
...already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous Ages...
Redress: To set right; remedy or rectify.
In every stage of these Oppressions we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble Terms...
Magnanimity: Generous in forgiving; eschewing resentment or revenge; unselfish.
We have appealed to their native Justice and Magnanimity...
Consanguinity: A close affinity or connection.
They too have been deaf to the Voice of Justice and of Consanguinity.
Acquiesce: To consent or comply passively or without protest.
We must, therefore, acquiesce in the Necessity, which denounces our Separation...
Rectitude: Moral uprightness; righteousness.
...Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions...

From the Declaration of Sentiments:

Hitherto (farmiliar but I never looked this up): Until this time.
...a position different from that which they haved hitherto occupied...
Impel: To urge to action through moral pressure; drive.
...a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes that impel them to such a course.
Hoary: So old as to inspire veneration; ancient.
...whether modern or wearing the hoary sanction of antiquity, is to be regarded as self evident falsehood, and at war with mankind.

Thanks to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary.

You learn something new everyday.

Dictionary Online - Yahoo! Education