I'm A King

More precisely, I'm a master. I have transcended the plane of procrastic mediocrity and become a bullshitting master. Not a pro, not an expert, but a master. I have reached Yoda-like status in the force known as bullshitting papers. I picked up the art in Mr. Pittman's AP English 11 class, and have since perfected it through constant procrastination. This is hardly something to call good, but I write much, much better on impulse, instinct, and pressure. Well, honestly, in all actuality, I don't know whether I work better if I work ahead, because I never have. Never. The earliest I'll start a paper is two days before the rough draft is due, and that's stretching it. After the rough draft is done and peer critiques are over, I won't work on the final draft until nine times out of ten, the night before it's due. I'll make minor changes, usually surface errors that I find on the rough drafts, and maybe throw in a quick paragraph or two if I feel something needs extra emphasis. But I am mostly content and confident with so little changes and I usually do well. My english teacher happens to be a self-proclaimed grading Nazi, but the fact I'm getting B's in her class lets me know my shit will fly with a more lenient one.

In Comm 102, there are two written paper assignments and four exams. This second assignment is worth nearly triple the first, so it would make sense if I had worked way ahead of time. I wound up doing the assignment the night before it was due. Because this isn't an english class, you aren't given pre-determined rough draft time. I had to write on two online videos and an extra scholarly source, describing how William L. Bennett's four media biases - personalization, dramatization, fragmentation, and authority-disorder, relate, all from scratch. This was Sunday night. I work on Monday morning from 8-11, but don't have class until 1, so I would have some extra time to work on this essay.

The only problem was that I also had to finish a final draft for english. But you know how I handle those already, so I worked all night on the Comm paper. Getting the content down was no problem, even though I had to keep myself mentally focused to prevent burning out. The aggravating difficulties I had were working with the APA format and keeping the paper under the predetermined limit.

APA format sucks, blows, takes it from behind, and every other insult American society has used to make homosexuals synonymous with uncongeniality. I've only dabbered with APA use, and haven't had to write a paper with such technicality before. If we didn't display the citations correcly, they threatened, our papers would be graded superharsh. On Ctools were examples of APA, but not everything I needed to know was available, most especially on how to cite stuff in-text. My favorite source on the APA style is Purdue's OWL website online, which is a vast vat of information, but the site was down the whole night. Fucking Murphy. So I half-did right, half-bullshitted my in-text citations, hoping for the best.

The next dastardly dilemma of inconvenience I ran into, which haunted me up until the next morning, was the page requirement. The paper had to be a minumum of four pages, but could not exceed five pages, and papers that ran onto the sixth page wouldn't be looked at. I hate limits because it impinges on my creativity, and I had to continually cut out things I felt were great points. I sat at the computer for an hour, slashing things out to meet the requirement, then hit the sack.

I woke up, went to work, then got back and fired up the Dell. I had to add a header with page numbers and for some odd reason my UMID as well, and when I did that it bumped down the text even more, running onto the sixth page. Already tired, exhausted, and just plan fucking infuriated at this requirement, I wanted to dropkick my computer in half, even though it clearly wasn't the Inspiron's fault. I had to cut out even more stuff, getting rid of more support and reinforcement for my information. Shit.

Two weeks go by, and I find out I don't do so well on the third exam. I need to do well on this paper to pick up the slack, but I no longer have any power to change anything. I just have to sit back and wait, expecting the worst. I honestly would've been content with a 'C' on this paper, considering the time frame I did it in. I get the paper back today in section, look through it, and find there are some grave errors.

Apparently I was supposed to make a "running header" or something like that, where you abbreviate the title of your paper before the page number. Irish luck abound, basically everyone did this incorrectly, so they let it fly. My GSI told us the information was given in the APA handouts, but they never told us that, and they made us think the handouts were strictly for reference. Next, even though apparently the running header was supposed to contain my page's title, the title I put for my paper was crossed out, I guess since the paper is stricly technical. I flip to the second page, and find out the scholarly source that I used "isn't appropriate for the assignment". At this point I'm freaking out, and am relieved to find the rest of the marks are few and are only surface errors. I am confused when I'm asked to quote a page number when I'm citing an online video, and I scoff at the marks saying I should use regular text when citing a website, because Microsoft Word automatically makes those links into blue.

I get to to the final page, and am damn near flabbergasted to see the B+ marked dark blue ink. Either the teacher was drunk when she graded this (she told us stories of how she barhopped during Thanksgiving, which was the same time she graded the papers), or I just happen to be one of the best goddamn bullshitters ever.

I should get a medal for this.

OWL at Purdue University: Using APA Format

Addiction

If you're any sort of music fan, and you don't have Kanye West's Late Registration, I really don't know what to say. You're an idiot, that's all. Late Registration obviously can't match the pure sweetness of College Dropout, but it's still able to stand on its own as a near-swoop CD. I bought the CD on iTunes, and Kanye is one of the very few artists I'll support by actually forking over money for his stuff. The first three songs are hits (Heard 'Em Say, Touch the Sky, and Gold Digger), and the rest of em are more than worth the cash.

One of the key highlights is the song Addiction, which perfectly displays the thoughts of drinkers and smokers everywhere. I used to be totally against drinking and smoking, which is pretty funny since I engage in both quite a bit nowadays. What really gets me riled up is when people go out and say "Oh, smoking grass is so bad, bla bla bullshit", especially when those people drink. In all honesty, smoking is better than drinking, and you can't say otherwise unless you have experienced both, so keep your damn mouths shut before you spout out bullshit.

That'll be covered in some other article, I'm here to talk about Addiction. I always see people putting music on their websites, stupid shit that's either 1. that emo bullcrap excuse for music that's nothing but screaming or 2. sentimental love music that belongs in an awful chick flick. This song, along with Kanye's others, talk about real shit in real life, so I've copied and pasted the lyrics down here so you can see what I mean (credit to ohhla.com for the lyrics):

Kanye West feat. Strings
Addiction

[Chorus]
Why everything that's 'sposed to be bad, make me feel so good?
Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would
Man I tried to stop man, I tried the best I could, but
You make me smiiiiiiile in my heart

What's your addiction?  Is it money?  Is it girls?  Is it weed?
I've been afflicted, by not one, not two, but all three
She's got the same thing, about me, but more, about us
And she's comin over, so I guess, that means, I'm her drugs
Just let me peak now, I mean dang, I'm so, curious
She's got a lover, so the lies, and the lust, is a rush
Time's of the essence, I need you, to be spon-taneous
Roll up the doja, Henny and C-Co-Co-Cola
Then I'm c-comin over, cause it's n-never over

[Chorus]

I see the emotion, in your eyes, that you tried, not to show
We get the closest, when you high, or you drunk, or you blowed
So I pour the potion, so we can both, get high, as we can go
Then I'll get the lotion, it do somethin to me, when your thighs, is exposed
There's no turnin back now, I mean I, don't mean, to impose
Not now but right now, I need you, to undress, and then pose
I'm into that now, catch a vibe, when the doors, get closed
Roll up the doja, Henny and C-Ca-Coca-Cola
And I keep com-comin over, cause it's n-never over, uhh

[Chorus]

Why everything that's 'sposed to be bad, make me feel so good?
Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would
Man I tried to stop man, I tried the best I could, but
You make me smiiiiiiile in my heart

[Chorus]

I, just wanted to ask you
Just wanted to umm, let me how would I put this umm
Let's say, of your friends
Remember the one, huh?
You said, if you ever she would be the one
Okay, okay, okay, well, I was thinkin
Hypothetically, I mean don't take this seriously
Don't take me, I mean just, umm, not credibly
I, feel it incredibly
I mean let's let it be, I, just let it be
I mean you her and me, I mean you her and me
Baby?  Baby?  Baby?
Baby?  Baby?
You know I was just kiddin
Unless you gon' do it

AIM Went Too Far This Time

OneShot315: goddamn i think everyone has the "i look away but i'm not away" thing
OneShot315: except for me
aZiANeYeDKat: lol
aZiANeYeDKat: oh, i only just got it today
aZiANeYeDKat: i had a really old version, but then they like made me update
OneShot315: who aol?
OneShot315: i get that screen but i just ignore it

This used to be a thing that AIM add-ons would have. Along with the away message, profile, and conversation loggers (shown above), AIM add-ons like DeadAim (which used to be free but no longer is) or what I use, MiddleMan, also had within them the "talk when you're away" function. AOL realized the cliche "if you can't beat em, join em", and has thus since added on a "seem like you're offline and talk to people", which is the eye in the upper left hand corner, and most recently, the "seem like you're away and talk to people".

I hate it when people are away, you "leave them one" as the phrase has been so popularly put, and a second later, right after you minimize or close the window awaiting their response which you think will come up to hours later, the window pops up and dings, catching you totally by surprise. Kinda sucks if you were watching some illicit material, but of course I have NOTHING to do with that. Seriously. For real for real.

What's the point of leaving one and being away when you're really not away? This new ability totally takes away from those points. The biggest excuse I've heard people use it is because there are certain stalker people or other annoying ones they don't want to talk to and wish to avoid, but all you have to do is block them off.

AIM went too far this time when including this feature, and it's one where continuous redundancy doesn't help. What are you people hiding from? Stop being away and actually be ONline when you're at the computer, and be away when you're AWAY from the computer. It's just common logic, but it seems that too many people are all caught up in this technoshit. Stop it goddammit, stop it!

I refuse to update to AIM 5.9, and it's a daily ritual to X out the window everytime it pops up. I refuse to be a part of such a diabolical debacle, and I choose to follow common sense. Stop being so damn annoying and stop being away when you're sitting at the keyboard, waiting for someone to fall into your little trap, you guerilla pricks.

I'm Flattered, But...

So I've been working out like mad since the schoolyear began and I've gotten into what I think is a good looking shape compared to the 20 pounds heavier I've been the past few years. I figure I don't play football anymore so there's no more reason to maintain weight for the sole purpose of running people over. My goal is to have not necessarily to have a six-pack, but at least something respectable when I go to the Philippines this summer, to impress all the gorgeous caramel-skinned chicas back there. Still, despite the fact I've dropped so much weight and I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm still having difficulty getting the abs cut. I guess I would describe my abs as molded, as I have the very beginnings of a pack, but actually hardening the muscles seem goddamn impossible. I've done countless crunches, gotten the six-second abs machine (which DOES work if you use it right... I'm just not patient enough), worked the incline and decline bench, sometimes with weights on my chest, and also the ab ball as well. I have little to show for all the work I've put in. My arms and legs are getting back to where they were during football, minus the layers of fat, but the stomach is a pain in the ass. Obviously I've been told it's damn hard to work this part of the body, but it's plain old human nature to have a burning desire for instant gratification. I've talked to various people on the subject, the most expert being my buddy Sean Pientak, who is a personal trainer at the JCC, but even he tells me there's no secret; you just have to bust your ass, and the only true way is to dedicate yourself to such a rigorous task. I'm not fortunate to have a natural fast metabolism like a lot of the guys I know who are cut, so I'm gonna have work for this. Still, if anyone has any techniques or such they use, give me a heads up.

More recently than not, I've gotten a lot of random facebook friend requests. Not these vague requests from people I went to high school with and never talked to, no, these are people I've never ever met before. People who see me under "You are connected to 15000 people through friends", and add me without a second thought. You have to realize something people, facebook isn't myspace or friendster. On myspace, I've gotten at least 70 random friend requests, with another 30 or so being from these small independent bands and artists. It's acceptable on myspace to friend random people, because that's what that sort of networking is all about (except for one instance when Brian told me a girl met a guy on myspace and he wound up chopping her body up into little parts and dumping them into the forest). The reason I really don't check myspace is because it's a contest to see who can have the most friends. I've received messages that are obviously pre-fabricated and pasted into the "send" box, only with the name of the sendee changed. They're always messages like, "Oh ur soooo cute, add me on!" which seems to tempt most guys because most of the people on myspace are halfwit dumbshits anyways (most, not all, espcially the people on my friend list). Then you go and look at these peoples' profiles, and you see they have 14327 friends. Please, NO one has that many friends in real life, it doesn't matter how high your social status or bank account is or how big of an entourage you have.

The thing that ticks me off the most about these people is the internet lingo they use on their pages. The acronyms and different ways of spelling words and rearranging letters that really wants me to punch these people in the face. In the study of linguistics they should add to ebonics the study of webtronics, except that in the study of ebonics, you can at least decipher the message without having an anuerism. Shit like "ur" and "lol" and "lmao" and minor stuff like that are straight with me, but when you see an entire web page filled with untranslational jargon, it makes me want to stab my eyes out like Oedipus Rex, though of course my reasons are quite different. Again, these sites are still acceptable because it's myspace, NOT a site limited to those intelligent enough to be in college.

On facebook, the networking is about people you know, people you've met, at random parties or class, or through mutual friends. A certain degree of vagueness is acceptable, but random people should be out of the question. I never used to get any of these, but as time went on I started to get more and more. Sure, a good amount of these requests are from girls, and yeah, some of em are good looking, my age, live in my hometown, and happen to have my major, and yes, I am flattered, and will wind up adding these people to my list, but this still carries with it a sincere degree of weirdness.

Don't do random friend requests on facebook even when you're drunk, and do your part in keeping facebook stalker free. I'd hate to imagine being a cute girl on facebook; the shit must be 100x worse.

facebook

The Process of Cultivation

Becoming a communications major, or at least starting down the road to become one, really opens your eyes to the disgruntled methods media uses to twist things to their own ends. A lot of things become apparent, such as how the media tends to avoid going deeper into problems and how to actually solve them, while they instead only focus on the negative aspects of an issue. Bias is clearly evident (not just on Fox News), and most people don't realize the effects they undergo. One of the largest forms of media effects is cultivation, which states that people's perception of the world and reality is shaped by what they see on television. People generally see others as not trustworthy and the world as a whole more dangerous than it actually is. People also believe they will be victims of crime much more than is statistically possible. A lesser effect of cultivation is how people tend to conform what they see on television, and it's a fact that while the media can't tell people how to think, it can tell people what to think. Therefore, people set themselves into the stereotypes of what they see on TV.

My good buddy Adam McPherson, a party-hard fella who goes to CU, got a job with ABC working the Nebraska/Colorado game last night. The Buffs were getting spanked, and towards the end of the game the crowd starting getting into it. More precisely, the students were getting into it. Shit was thrown on the field, and the rentacops were trying their best to wave down the tide. It was getting to the point where the game had to be delayed as control was slowly restored. ABC decided to capitalize on this, and as is the usual method with media, they tried their damn hardest best to put students into a negative light. Mike Tirico, one of ABC's head commentators, and a man who proudly resides in Ann Arbor, should be the first to know about the raucousness of college students at a football game, especially when their team is getting a beatdown. Still, he began his anti-collegian tirade by saying in his most melodramatic broadcasting voice, "This is a shame, this is pathetic. This is a ridiculous show here." The camera then zoomed onto the field reporter, who courageously made her way up into the student section.

The sole fact she went up there displays two things: 1. The disregard the media has for female reporters, sending her to the dogs (you wouldn't see Jack Arute or Dr. Jerry Punch's old asses up there) and 2. How badly ABC wanted to bash America's college students. Tirico started by saying, "Section (number here) is nearly empty, as all those fans throwing stuff on the field have been forcibly removed from the stadium by security."

No, Mike Tirico, those fans left on their own after the third quarter because their team was losing to a shitty one. Security didn't do shit, and security can't do shit, how can a person from Ann Arbor say that? Media politics abound.

Next, the sideline reporter started talking about how all the students left and lied about how they were hauled off, but the remaining students, scantily clad in contrast to her anti-PETA fur coat, started dancing and hollering all around her. After her barely audible segment was over, Tirico and the other bullshit commentator repeatedly told her to "Get out of there, that's not a good place to be, get out of there," as if they really gave a shit about her well-being. Pretty easy to say when you're in a heated booth 100 feet above the action.

I hate how the media portrays students. They say we're the future, but then go and bash us when we're trying to relieve ourselves of their pressures of studying. Students are supposed to have fun, but then I guess the media is supposed to be a bunch of dicks. Kinda ironic I want to go into that field.

Because the media tells us we're crazy, that we're wild kids with little to no maturity, we fit into that role, if anything just to spite them. You think we're crazy? Damn right we are, we'll show you just how crazy we can be.

I guess I'm giving myself a big middle finger for saying "fuck you" to the media, but at least I can recognize such.

CC = Catholic Contradiction

It's about that time of the year, when the high school and college football seasons are dying down and the playoffs are in full swing. Hmm, well, not in college, since the BCS and Harris Polls incorrectly control the outcomes of teams. It doesn't make much sense to me that while a playoff format works extremely well in college basketball and in pro football, college still relies on these meaningless (aside from the championship) bowl games, which are solely based upon which advertiser can fork over the most money. Still, that's a different story, not what I want to cover here.

What I want to cover here is high school football, and how Catholic schools, which already rub me off the wrong way while idle, really piss me off in their contradictory methods.

Let's take a look at the teams in the MHSAA State Finals, as copied and pasted from the MHSAA's site:

2005 Football Finals
Nov. 25-26 at Ford Field, Detroit

Televised Live on FSN Detroit
(Exception: Division 4 - delayed broadcast at 11 pm)

Friday, Nov. 25	Saturday, Nov. 26
DIVISION 2 - Final Hudsonville 7 Birmingham Br. Rice 14 Statistics | Live Audio Rosters/Results/Quick Facts/Starters	DIVISION 1 Rockford (11-2) vs. Canton (11-2) - 1 pm Final Statistics | Live Audio Rosters/Results/Quick Facts/Starters
DIVISION 4 Grand Rapids Catholic Central (12-1) vs. Flint Powers Catholic (11-2) - 7:30 pm Final Statistics | Live Audio Rosters/Results/Quick Facts/Starters	DIVISION 3 Caledonia (11-2) vs. Haslett (13-0) - 7:30 pm Final Statistics | Live Audio Rosters/Results/Quick Facts/Starters
DIVISION 6 Halftime Kingsley 7 Monroe St. Mary C.C. 14 Statistics | Live Audio Rosters/Results/Quick Facts/Starters	DIVISION 5 Muskegon Oakridge (12-1) vs. Jackson Lumen Christi (12-0) - 4:30 pm Final Statistics | Live Audio Rosters/Results/Quick Facts/Starters
DIVISION 8 - Final Mendon 25, Crystal Falls Forest Park 13 Statistics | Live Audio Rosters/Results/Quick Facts/Starters	DIVISION 7 Traverse City St. Francis (12-1) vs. Unionville-Sebewaing (13-0) - 10 am Final Statistics | Live Audio Rosters/Results/Quick Facts/Starters

Now count the Catholic schools that are in the finals. Six of 16. Roughtly 38% of the teams in the finals are Catholic schools, and so far in the finals they're 2-0. Keep in mind we're not even looking at the Catholic teams that made it into the playoffs. It's a safe assumption to say that Catholic schools are dominant in high school football. Al Fracassa, Brother Rice's head coach, is a man of legendary status, and I felt on top of the world when he shook my hand and told me I was something special when my squad attended morning agilities camp with Brother Rice. When Doug Pickens was Rice's QB, he led Rice to the state championships every year he was there, and lost the state championship four years in a row. I played them my junior year and we nearly upset them in the first round if it wasn't for some awful second half playcalling, but in any case, Pickens could've played in the MLB right after high school. Instead, he goes to Michigan and plays on the baseball squad, quite a waste of talent if you ask me, but my IM football team last year beat his, so maybe he's just overrated.

Back to my point. Catholic schools rule high school football. Catholic schools. Schools that teach Catholicism. A religion that has faced enormous controversy throughout history, and especially recently (little boys and The DaVinci Code are two such events). A religion that denounces the war (with the exception of Pat Robertson), and is stricly (with the only exception being The Boondock Saints, where "the laws of God are higher than the laws of man") nonviolent. Catholicism preaches, coerces its members to "turn the other cheek" as Jesus himself did, and encourages its people to be the "better man" and turn away from a confrontation, even though we all know that realistically, those types of people are pussies. A religion that strives to makes itself synonymous with figures such as Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and Princess Diana, telling their tales even though they do not necessarily belong to the collective. A religion that simplistically tells people that violence is bad, evil, that you will go to hell if you do so.

And yet Catholic schools take solace in the fact that their schools are the best at a sport which requires brutality, humiliation, and bloodlust: football. Catholic schools scout and recruit students heavily, and Catholic school football players that transfer to public ones (such as Charles Stewart to Harrison High, who now is playing for Michigan) are considered extremely valuable commodities.

You want a shot at college ball? Play for us, we're a state powerhouse with a hall of fame coach, fuck that religion stuff, that's simply an aside. Sit in a church, listen to some Catholic priest jabber off his monotone stuff, then go home. Besides, how about a nice car to fit into our parking lot, which is already filled with BMWs, Infinitis, and H2s? Can't afford it you say? Well, let's see what our boosters can come up with. You play well for us and we'll see who we can talk to, don't you see all our alumni who are playing D-I ball? You bring us money, and we'll make you a star.

That's what Catholic schools are all about: money. Another contradiction. Remember Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? When Indy had to choose the Holy Grail amongst all the different cups, and he chose the carpenter's cup because Joseph lived in poverty? This scene was supposed to emphasize the HUMILITY of Christianity and Catholicism. Yet Catholic schools will badger their alumni for money, even when they know they're college students with no budget whatsoever. What the hell do you want your graduates to do, send you beer can money? Churches ask for donations, but Catholic schools ask for salaries, saying it'll go towards new and better improvements, bigger steeples, more comfortable pews, shit that takes away from the entire Catholic moralistic perspective that Catholics must be humble and modest. How can you concentrate on a confession when the seat in the booth is lavishly garnered with leather and plush?

Catholic schools are just mini-colleges when it comes to football politics, and the fact they contradict their highest beliefs leads me to deeply question my faith. I've recently bought The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons, and these books may even cause me to read the Bible (to get the background), which I have thus far avoided because I believe it's another form of brainwashing that Catholicism carries (Catholic church is the biggest form of cult brainwashing I've ever experienced). I'm interested in seeing what The DaVinci Code has to say about the entire Catholic religion, and I know in the text it speaks about how Catholicism and Jesus were all a farce and the Vatican is holding the greatest cover-up in all of history so they will stay in power.

No offense to my friends who attended them, but Catholic schools are a joke. The fact they regard themselves as football powerhouses and the fact they recruit players to play for them displays the gross disregard for true Catholicism these schools carry. Several devout Muslims claim that terrorists killing in the name of Islam do not truly represent what they label as "true Islam". In this particular case, Catholic schools do not truly or fully represent what Catholicism is. I'm certainly not ashamed to be a Catholic because nothing in this world is perfect, but this just adds to the already expeditiously-growingly list of its faults, and just know that I am a damn proud member of the "I Went To a Public School...Bitch" group on facebook.