A Test Of Faith

fuck that. i had one of the craziest nights of my life last night and i'm exhausted. the weather sucks and i don't want to get sick. i'm not going to the game but if it turns out to be good or if people talk about it i will pretend i went, saying "yeah i remember that", nod, and laugh. i didn't even sell my ticket. i will pretend i still care about michigan football and pretend they're still a good team. yeah, we're good, but certainly not deserving of the top 10. steve breaston is the most overrated receiver and kick returner in the ncaa. superallstar mike hart is hurt, and even if he plays, will be playing hurt. you don't get over hamstring pulls in one week, believe me, i've pulled both of mine at least three times a piece. our backup kevin grady thinks he's still in high school and tries to truck people without finding an open hole, and when he does juke, he jukes right into defenders. our best receiver, jason avant, hardly gets looks and rarely has the ball thrown to him. though michigan is a team that's renowned for putting out great college wide receivers, relatively unknown tight end tyler ecker led our team in receptions and recieving yards. we look like those goddamn pricks down at miami u. our defense is more holey than a piece of swiss cheese that has been through a drive-by from the g-unit, i could do a better job coaching, and chad henne has yet to show he can play without #1 big B. this game is useless in the grand scheme, because unless eastern michigan beats us, it doesn't matter; even if they come close, because that's to be expected. i'm going to shower, clean up the mess that is my living room, make some hot dogs on the george foreman grill (though I don't even know if it's a george foreman one because it says "dani" on the front), MAYBE grab a corona, though maybe not because i'm hung over (which for me is a very rare instance), and watch our beloved wolverines thrash a team that shouldn't be on our schedule in the first place because they're nowhere close to deserving. i'm going to watch the game, not screaming at the tv like i normally do because i'm too tired, and at the end of the struggle, if we win it's only a small slight sliver of hope for the maizenblue squad because next week we are playing an actual team. they better either turn the intensity dial up, line up the players and give them all steroids like a disease innoculation in china, or buy the "special" water that was in space jam that made them all play sweet. because if michigan doesn't start playing like they should you can expect me to stay here at my goddamn computer instead of being at the big house screaming at the away fans who are right next to me, which is where i belong. the only positive to this game is seeing if justin cook, a guy who i played football with and ran track relays with, will hit the field.

you may ask me, well, why aren't you going to the game?

and i'd answer you back, the real question is, who is going to the game?

nononono baby nononono dont liiiieeeee